its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He shit in the fireplace
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
