I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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