i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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