went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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