the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
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I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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