just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
