we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
