And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
