If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
