Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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