I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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