I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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