I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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