I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
