Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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