: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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