no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
