first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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