I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
