i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
