this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
