i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
