i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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