i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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