Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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