Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
