You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
