I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
