If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
