I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
