You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
