Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
