the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
