i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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