The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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