i jhust puked up my retainher.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
