if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the day after is always just damage control
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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