I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
