ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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