I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
