Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Houston, we have a blender
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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