I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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