I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
