I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
