My sheets look like a crime scene.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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