Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
