dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
