This is not my ceiling
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
