I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
