I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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