we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
