Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
