Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
