Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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