I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
