Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
