I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
