You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
