p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
