I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
