Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
