I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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