Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
