How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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