Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
