There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
