Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Still dying that you shit outside
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Randomize
