My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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