I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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