I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
