I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
